LP and challenge – O/our journey

i am a very emotional person. Sometimes i think i feel too much though. It drains me when i feel negative emotions. And they feed off each other and just make things seem worse than they are. On the other hand, i can feel positive emotions so intensely, even off of other people, that sometimes it is like a high of sorts. i like that kind of feeling, that’s fun. If i could bottle that and sell it i’d be a millionaire….then the government would probably make it illegal or tax it or something lol!

i could do with some of those positive vibes right now. i’d like to have a little fun or something. Maybe i should have hit my neighbor up to go on another walk this evening. We aren’t supposed to go until tomorrow evening, but last night it felt pretty good to be outside. Too late now though, and too cold.

Even though the negative overwhelm me sometimes how can i not feel them and still feel the positive as intensely as i do? i know the positive is less frequent than the negative, but till, how could i give it up? Everything has some sort of emotion attached to it for me. The wind was blowing today, really billowing, and it stirred me. It was brisk and fresh and it made me feel renewed and i smiled. Yesterday the thunder made me feel the rush of excitement, the need and hunger that it always seems to stir up in me. Unfortunately it kind of turned to frustration because it had no where to go. Maybe that’s why i pushed it on my walk. i ended up out of breath and with a stitch in my chest, but i felt better. Sometimes the beauty of a tree makes a sort of joy well up inside me. Today i saw a tree on my way home from picking up my son from school and before i could stop myself i was babbling about how i would like to paint a tree like that, so it looked as if it was a woman’s long hair being blown around her face in the wind. That’s what the tree made me think of. Of course my boy looked at me like i was nuts, but then he’s used to that with me. i think he and his sister kind of like it even, they just have to pretend that they are embarassed.

Sometimes these things translate into not just emotional feelings but physical ones. They create a want, an ache, and most times that makes me want to just curl up in a ball and sleep because there’s nothing i can do with those feelings.

Tonight i am dealing with all of these kinds of feelings. Negative and positive, emotional and physical, and i am just a big basket case. Sleep is called for, it will all be better in the morning. i hope.