Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the first of June….June is the month LP comes home…..
Okay so maybe it’s not until the very last day, but it counts! i am trying to keep my paranoia at bay and not let myself worry about something going out, or me snoring and keeping Her awake, or the cat disturbing us in the early morning hours, or the kids being a hinderance, etc etc. Even though these things are all possibilities and most likely probabilities. The cat will wake us up, he wakes me up if he thinks i have slept in long enough or if he thinks he needs something during the night…like a drink of water, just like a little kid. Doesn’t matter if we leave him fresh water (in a glass next to the sink) just before we go to bed, he wants someone to get up and turn on the tap for him so he can drink straight from it. Spoiled. my fault 
my snoring will also probably be a problem, i don’t know how to do anything about that. i didn’t snore when we first met, i apparently made cute little noises. Cuteness wears off and becomes disturbing snores due to whatever reasons, sinus troubles and weight gain in my case. i’m already thinking about how i can somehow make sure LP falls asleep before i do so it doesn’t bother her as much. The kids….yeah….that’s definitely going to be an issue. It didn’t used to be when they were younger because they had earlier bedtimes and they had no clue what went on between two adults sharing a bed. Now that they are both teenagers it has become awkward. It’s a problem of our own making because we didn’t want them growing up close minded. But raising informed children means they aren’t as inhibited and shy as some. i’m not saying that they have been exposed to anything inappropriate for their ages, but they haven’t been raised thinking that sexuality is a taboo subject. But since it will be summer vacation and there won’t be school night restrictions it makes things more difficult. And there’s not been any definite word on if they are going to consent to go and visit their father in July. i have said to them that he has only asked for three weeks of their vacation, that’s not so bad. But i won’t hold my breath that they will go and LP and i will get three weeks on our own. i also think that since LP doesn’t live with us full time She hasn’t had the chance to get used to them being older. She sees them in small chunks of time between bigger chunks of time not seeing them. Much as i hate to compare, it is one thing She and their father have in common. But at least LP is better equipped mentally to deal with it. She doesn’t refuse to admit they are growing up. But it does make for a bit of awkwardness at times. Then there is the daughter’s friends and her boyfriend being in and out pretty much at some time every day. It doesn’t bother me as much, maybe i am just used to it, but i can see why it bothers LP. Still i feel caught in the middle sometimes.
*sigh* i don’t want to spend the next 30 days worrying about things like this and working myself into a state. i know LP would tell me not to, but it is difficult, nearly impossible really. It seems a bit unrealistic to me, it’s too much like sticking my head in the sand and pretending these things aren’t issues. But then i have always been good at that.
So if that is what i have to do then i will because i want to spend the next month in happy anticipation of something that i desperately need…..physical time with LP! Yay!!!!
