Knowledge is Power – By LP
Knowledge is power. That’s the old saying and boy how true it is. Doesn’t really matter what context it is taken in, either. The key though, is when to use whatever knowledge one has to gain what type of power. I am not referring here to world domination, so no, I am not the next Goldfinger or Dr No….lol….I simply refer to knowing a subject entirely and thoroughly can put a person in a position of power when it comes to selling, buying, negotiating and basically pretty much everything in every day life. Antique dealers know their stuff. I couldn’t go and buy a blue and white willow pattern plate from eBay and drop into my local antique dealer and try and blindside him into buying it off as genuine. He has the knowledge and the power.
Same refers to anything D/s…..Newbies and wannabe’s can be spotted a mile off by someone in the know. The BDSM lifestyle is a clique. It has its own language, code of practice, secret handshake. Sort of like the mason’s. A person comes into a chatroom or party and they stick out like a golfer in a football team. The seasoned Dom/Dommes can spot it straight off and they laugh their secret laugh and raise their experienced eyebrows at them. However, that said, every new Dom/Domme has to start somewhere. My personal feeling is that it is all in the attitude. There is a certain maturity involved in being a Dom/Domme. A serious responsibility to oneself and the sub that one controls.
Michael Besnard puts it this way, “Your responsibility as a Dominant is to set appropriate limits, keep your property healthy and safe, and establish order in your environment. But you can find a balance between firmness and flexibility. In every relationship, there are both negotiable and no-compromise issues. When you examine the behavior issues in your dynamics, you’ll find that each of them fits into one of these two categories. The no-compromise rules relate to safety, health basics, and fundamental values. Negotiable rules are those you can bend, even if the behavior annoys you. They involve personal preferences, differing tastes, and convenience.”
If a sub gives her/himself to a Dom/Domme they are effectively giving up their own power, ideas, attitudes, opinions, time, effort and sense of self to this person. Or are they? I have read many stories of subs who are hard working, dominant characters in their everyday business lives, but when it comes to the weekend they slope off to a quiet house in the hillsides to play slave to someone else for fun. They enjoy the humiliation of being used as furniture or made to walk about naked and serve afternoon tea, Victorian style, with a butt plug in or a dildo strapped in so it can’t fall out. Then, come Monday morning, they are dressed up in their work togs, all suited and booted and ordering 30 people around. It’s an oxymoron really and yet it makes perfect sense. Not My cup of tea, really, but each to their own.
I am recently new to this experience. Well, not recent I suppose. I have always had a dominant nature and I am pretty assured in most aspects of My life. I think the thing is to know when and where best to channel that dominance. I don’t want to be seen as bossy or overbearing to people who do not understand O/our relationship, although many times it has come across that way. challenge’s friends have often commented on My being bossy, yet they do not realise that challenge has boundaries set which she knows she has to follow even when in company. Ok, so truthfully, W/we don’t always do that in front of people but then I feel we are not quite striking the balance. W/we have been attempting to get guidelines in place and have things run more smoothly but then we hit a wall when it comes to negotiating. If something isn’t working for her she will tell Me (as I have instructed her to do). I like think I am flexible in that respect at least. However, My question is, if W/we are to have these roles, where does negotiation stop and action begin? At what point do I put My foot down and say no when she says she wants it a different way, or doesn’t like this or that? When do I say “Listen, I am in control here and you will do as I ask”? Do I become so lenient that she ends up topping from the bottom? Or do I start to instil real punishments to infractions? (Ok, so that was 5 questions….)
I have been researching all morning about this. Looking here, there and everywhere for some sort of guidelines about being a more efficient Dom/Domme. Most experienced Dom/Dommes say that newer people should read as much as they can, go to parties and learn as much of the language as possible. Ok, I can do that. What these articles don’t say is how to create ones own real experience from experience. How does one get to be an experienced Dom/Domme if they are not sure they are doing it right. I will keep reading. I want to learn all I can, know the subject well and be the best I can be for My challenge.
LP
