i cried myself to sleep last night
It happens sometimes that after a little diy session i just burst into tears…maybe it’s loneliness, maybe it’s because something is missing, it just makes me sad sometimes. So last night i was playing with vince the vibrator and imagining possibilities with LP and when it was over i began to cry and the next thing i knew i was waking up hours later. i went back to sleep and when i woke this morning i managed not to think about it for most of the day. LP and i met online and had our usual chat and then we talked over the computer (marvelous addition to msn being able to actually speak online…saves phone bills) and then She went to bed…..
And i was left alone. That’s when all the sadness comes back to haunt me. i think about the hours that went before and wonder what we spent them talking about. i think of the things we discussed and agreed to and wonder why i don’t speak up and remind Her as she reminds me. And then i wonder if there’s really any point…it’s not the same for me as it is for Her. i just can’t get past the feeling that if i have to remind her it’s just not going to do the trick anyway, it will feel too contrived and fake. If it’s not something that She thinks of on her own and is eager to participate in then there is no pleasure in it. Not for me, and i am certain not for Her either.
Maybe i should just take my frustrations and channel them into words the way i used to before we met. At least i might get some good stories out of it.
*sighs*…..i think this little rant is best marked private….
