Questioning
Today during our online conversation LP asked me if She had ruined me being submissive because she has always encouraged me to be independant and think for myself and speak up for myself. i told her honestly that i don’t believe that could be the case because most submissives that i admire either through their blogs or from interacting with them in a chat room are all of those things. They are strong willed women who choose to submit. If anything Her encouragement of me to be all of that could only enhance my feelings of submission. We discussed what areas i feel most drawn to express it and i quite honestly answered that, for me, it is mainly sexual. Maybe that makes me more of a bottom than an actual submissive, i don’t know. i hate labels anyway. i do know that even if it starts in the ‘bedroom’ for me it spreads out to other areas.
We talked more about building my self confidence. It’s a confusing and daunting prospect. I wasn’t given the tools as a child to build it for myself. i understand the concept, doing things that i can be proud of, things that cause me to feel good about myself, and slowly my confidence will grow. In my mind i get it. i just hope that i am able to put it into action.
i know LP doesn’t wantsome doormat. She wants a partner who can hold her own. Actually, thinking about it, a submissive who is confident and secure in herself would probably be even more of a pleasure to take control of.
LP pointed out that some things i have already started working on. My physical appearance for one. i hadn’t looked at it that way. In my mind i was working on that so that i would be more attractive and appealing to LP, because i have a desperate need to be wanted. But looking at it from the other side of things, as i lose weight i will feel better about myself. So that’s a good confidence builder. Things i am good at that i can do just because i enjoy them and feel good doing them….my writing, my painting and crafting work, my singing….these are some of the things that i know i do well and that i enjoy doing. Doing them instead of just thinking about doing them will cause me to feel good about myself.
i hope that by the time LP gets back this summer there will be progress, not just in the physical bodily sense, but with my inner self as well.
LP and challenge - O/our journey 